When time stopped and the Ancients sang through me
My *memory collection* for Sonia Emilia Rainbow’s shaman seminar *Mariris & Icaros* 7/7/22 - 7/10/22.
You know, when I try to keep my stories short they get extra long ;D
Can you imagine? Right at the official start of “Song of the Self” one of the most powerful Austrian shamans, Sonia Emilia Rainbow, held a seminar about “Mariris & Icaros” - soul songs, medicine songs.
Funny synchronicities lead the way
Universe has led me to this impressive woman via many funny synchronicities, such as: the founder of the “Summer Academy” in the Waldviertel (northern Austria), where I used to help out the last years told me, that Sonia was the first Shaman holding a Shaman seminar there. While I am holding my first official Shaman seminar *soon to be announced* at this special place in September. Then, at the end of last summer, I was searching for a book “with Pleiadian energy” that supports me with my menstrual cramps. Somehow I felt Pleiadian energy could help. Well, the universe led me to Sonia’s book about the lost knowledge of the primal healing force of the uterus, even mentioning the Pleiadians in the introduction. Haha. Months later, I talked about my love for the uterus and its medicine power to another Shaman friend and she told me that this is the last year Sonia will give seminars, recommending me to go. Finally, at the beginning of this year, when another friend asked me if I knew Sonia I decided to look into her work more in-depth. That friend was my colleague from my last job at the company “Sonnentor”, telling me also that a new colleague occupying my former position started at that special week. On the same day a person moved into that place that I was living at. So, 7 months after I left that place of living and that job, my space was occupied again - on both places simultaneously. And what’s the name of the person moving into the place I lived? It’s Sonja. So, I got interested in this special person that was brought to me through so many synchronicities: Sonia Emilia Rainbow. At the end of one of her interviews that I watched on YouTube she sang a song: Paro Kaibakeash - and there she had me - tingling something deep inside of me. Something in my heart told me I needed to see her. Guess how surprised I was, finding out that she held a seminar about soul songs right after my official launch of “Song of the Self”.
My road trip to get in-tune
Fast forward to last week. The seminar started on Thursday evening, but I started my trip already on Wednesday. I made a little road trip out of my journey from the north to the south of Austria. I needed that time to really get out of my overloaded overplanning brain into the intuitive flow of the unknown. How amazing is it to have no fixed schedule, just enough time to let it flow as it comes! And I loved every second. I stopped at some cities on my way to leave “Song of the Self” flyers at spiritual stores. I told the universe I would love to end my day at a nice spot at a Carinthian (southern Austrian) lake. People told me, that’s not easy because the beautiful spots at Carinthian lakes are either private or touristic. The funny thing with allowing spirit to guide you is - if you really trust and there is this one perfect spot for you you will be guided to it. I was led to a little lake that I have never heard of before. It’s the “Silbersee” (“silver lake”) next to Villach and it was beyond perfect, amazing.
I used the evening to absorb nature and to allow my being to adapt to and get to know the spirits of Carinthia. My energy system is very sensitive to places and needs its time to adjust. I slept in my car, completely and utterly trusting the universe and the spirits of this place for keeping me safe. When I woke up in the morning I found out that not only was I the only one at the parking spot but also most probably the only one at this entire lake. It was a small lake with very warm, crystal clear water. The good morning swim was refreshing and cleansing to all of my bodies (energetic, too ;D ).
Note: the 2 photos of this post are from the Silbersee - they are the only photos I took on this trip because 1) my memory space of my phone was full 2) I managed to completely get out of “the ordinary world” for a couple of days.
Through this little road trip I was already brought so much into the moment and into the flow, in-tune with nature. My next parking spot was “by accident” exactly in front of my next spiritual store that I wanted to visit. I had a good morning coffee nearby, visited some other stores and headed to my final destination where the seminar was at.
Stepping out of time for coming home
Arriving shortly after noon when the seminar started in the evening left my energy system enough time to adapt to the place which was my new home for the next few days. It was a beautiful country house where they only serve organic vegetarian food (*love*). Every corner of this country house was made sustainably, with lots of love. I could feel the power of the spirit of this house and was grateful to give my energy system the time to assimilate the energies. The surrounding mountains and forests were outstandingly beautiful.
Everyone of the 35 seminar participants slept at the country house, except for me and 4 other people who were “outsourced” to another little house 1 km uphill. It didn’t surprise me. I always want to do things in my own way. Especially in my private times in the evening. Resonance brought me exactly what I needed.
While I would love to explain this amazing seminar in detail, I will not do it for content protection reasons. What I will elaborate on is that one special moment, this peak that I reached, this song that I sang. That one special moment. I could say, if all was just for that one moment, that moment when I sang my song, it was all worth it. But of course, that’s not really true - it’s just my melodramatic tendency. Haha. It’s not true because every other moment (in this seminar and in life) was just as valuable and important. In fact, during that seminar I really reached a point of total commitment and surrender to the moment. I was so completely happy, I didn’t want to overlay the moments with disturbing thoughts, I just tried to absorb it all. I reached a state of complete beingness. I felt “high”, in a conscious trance-state, without taking any external substance.
After having been in complete bliss from Wednesday to Friday I thought to myself: I’m not only here for being happy but also for finding a place in myself that I can heal. But how should I get to touch that wounded place in me when I’m that happy? Long story short: I asked the universe and I received. On Saturday I was handed a trigger that I used in order to reach the depths of my heart. So, I allowed myself to cry those old tears that wanted to be released. I used Saturday afternoon also to prepare my physical and energetic vessel for the evening ceremony. I cleansed my bodies in a mountain waterfall. Many participants, me included, stopped talking with another in the afternoon. I decided to not only leave out the dinner, but also lunch. That turned out to be challenging later on: I became very hungry in the evening and decided to drink lots and lots of water. Of course I needed to pee URGENTLY in the most inappropriate moment: during the extremely beautiful but LONG and very sacred introduction into the cacao ceremony.
Before I reach my moment of moments, my culmination, I want to provide a little more background. Why does “singing the Song of the Self”, the song of the soul, mean so much to me? It means everything to me. I named my spiritual business “Song of the Self” because allowing myself to sing my song (metaphorically) was such a challenge for me! As a lesbian vegetarian deeply spiritual shaman woman … and more crazyness :-) I was used to fall into “non-mainstream categories” all my life - and simultaneously I always wanted to belong to something … I wanted to be loved and at some point it became my second nature to just adapt to the expectations and realities of the people I met. While I always knew who I am inside, I learned to put on masks in order to fit in. Showing my heart, my soul, often brought me into deep fear. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being considered “strange”. The deeper something came from my heart the more afraid I was. Sometimes, when I said something so completely from the depth of my heart, like one of my poems and suchlike, my body started to shake and even cramp. There was so much that wanted to and wants to be said from my deep heart. Talking was one thing but singing was even a level-up because the dictator that I used to have in my brain could even less control the singing. I worked on healing this aspect in me for many years. Healing my throat chakra was probably the first thing I started to work on. This is why I created Song of the Self: because feeling safe enough to show your true heart means everything to me, because I deeply believe that there is nothing more valuable than knowing your soul song and allowing your soul to sing it proudly and courageously into the world (literally and metaphorically). Just a year ago I was at a Shaman seminar where the participants received a song for their drum. After all the healing I have done I still didn’t dare to sing this song that I received. I was the only one in the group who didn’t sing it.
That moment when the Ancients sang through me And here it was. That moment. The energy in the room was palpable. All of our spirit family celebrated with us. Us almost 40 human representatives came with white and pure hearts. The space that was held was sacred. The powerful Deva Cacao guided us even closer to our hearts in this Mayan cacao ceremony. Other practices that Sonia did were from the Peruvian Amazon natives (icaros, sacred oils, …) and they triggered something deep inside of me, tingled my heart in such a tender way, showed me a memory of a home long forgotten but always remembered.
And here it was. That moment. During the seminar everyone received a song from the spirits. A soul song, a medicine or a power song. The space was opened - everyone had one chance - when holding the “talking stick” - to sing their song from the spirits - through the spirits - to the spirits. The first person in the circle of human white-hearted seminar participants said “Aho” and handed the talking (in this case: singing) stick to me, making me the first person to sing. Will I? I waited. Thinking to ask if I can be last. My energy system at this point in time was hypersensitive. I was completely with my heart. I decided to just do it. I was here for this moment. I prepared for this moment. To get as deeply into my heart as I could for my heart was what wanted to softly look into the world, show its melody. Show its endless depths in a way that could never be done with simple words. Light its ancient light of ancient stars. I decided to sing. And I sang. Like I never sang before. I was sung. The first time in my life that my heart could express itself in such a pure way. There was no fear. There was no thought at all. I felt only my soul in its intrinsic connection with and embedded into my spirit soul family. The room was almost dark. I closed my eyes. I started to clap the rhythm with my hands. The song’s heartbeat. The space was provided for me by the most beautiful people in the room. I love you all! By Sonia, who held the space. By the spirits, who encouraged me to trust. I tangibly felt spirit flowing through me, I felt my deep soul and I sang my song. It was a love song to the universe. A love song to the spirits. A love song to those beautiful white-hearted humans. A love song to my ancient heart.
After my singing I felt shivers and shivers and shivers of energy flowing through my body. Hots and colds and all sorts of vibrating energies. I could not even process or judge it in any way. I just was.